Did you ever have one of those two-steps-forward, one-step-back days? Try four in a row. Yesterday proved to be as interrupted as the rest of this week. I finished a large project, but another one is due and every time I went near it, another must-do-now thing got in the way. I’m okay at juggling multiples, but for how long?
Today is article day. I don’t care if the house lights itself on fire – I’ll type with the flames licking at my heels. My deadline is next week, but I have two more projects just handed to me (well, four actually) and I have to get those started and one out the door this afternoon.
Yesterday, Wade Finnegan brought up what is probably the most common issue writers face: self-doubt. He said he still hears that voice – the one that says “Am I really worth that price?” Wade, so do I.
Even the most hard-core of us have been cruising along in a fantastic career when suddenly the doubt appears. It comes up like bad tacos, too, leaving a sour taste and a nasty stomach. And from my own perspective, it’s rare that it’s valid.
I had some pretty good years without doubts. Then not a year and a half ago, I worked with someone who questioned my every syllable so much that I began to think I was fooling myself. Here this person was going over every sentence but four in a huge article, and finding fault. Lots of fault.
Luckily that feeling cleared itself up when the person in question pulled some really stupid moves that made me realize the problem wasn’t necessarily on my side. But if I hadn’t been around for as long as I had, I might not have seen the signs.
So when you or someone else is parroting “not worthy” in your ear, how to you stop it?
Look at your successes. You’ve had some, even if you’re brand new to writing. Someone somewhere liked your work enough to compliment you. When you get notes praising your work, save them. I have a “Kudos” file I keep in my email for those times when I’m feeling like a useless piece of human flesh.
Know that you’re not pleasing everyone. At the same time this person was making me feel lousy, I received one of the best compliments from an editor, who said he thought my last article was excellent.
Don’t overlook hidden agendas. That compliment from the editor was when I realized the client who was giving me trouble may be doing so for some other reason than any lack of skill. There was an insecurity there, or there wouldn’t have been as many edits and rounds of edits as we ended up suffering through.
Understand why it gets to you. Clearly we freelancers are borderline codependents, wanting to please every client and tripping over ourselves for that repeat business. That sets us up for not being able to handle the “You’re not all that” talk from unsatisfied clients. So what if the most difficult man you’ve ever worked with said you’re really not that good at your job? We cannot control what others think, but we can control how we perceive our own talents and business skills. Does what he says upset you because you think he’s right or because you jumped through hoops wasting tons of time and he still didn’t like it?
Validate yourself. Part of that does include looking over old thank-you notes and kudos, but it also includes mingling with your writer friends online or in person. Hang out with other writers. Share war stories, vent and brainstorm solutions, or just ask a trusted friend for some advice. Get that support group working for you when you need it most.
How do you remove doubts, either self-imposed or client-related?
if it's really bad, i call a friend or two who have seen my work/worked on projects with me and share my self-doubts with them. I have found that verbalising the doubts make them less threatening. The friends usually help me regain perspective on things.
Sometimes taking a step back helps. I find when I am stressed, I do not handle criticism as well. I have always been one that is initially hurt by criticism (sometimes overly hurt) and I need time to acknowledge the hurt, work through the emotions and then get back to reality. I m a good writer, but even the great ones stumble. It is not the end of the world.
And if the issue is it's someone else who is the problem, like I said to my friend, Brandi, I have enough issues of my own to take on the insecurities of others.
Writing is the only arena I feel this way. Not that I have a huge ego, but I know I'm a good teacher. My students have success and I believe I could take on any classroom. If someone were to criticize me, I would defend my actions to the end. It's interesting that writing doesn't hold the same weight. Maybe, it is the ownership piece of it, because our name goes on it? What ever the reason, with the encouragement of Lori and others, I will not let the doubt hold me back. I want to write and I will.
P.S. I absolutely love when I can inspire Lori for a post. My insecurities provide great fodder. 🙂
I've been going through that a lot this week. I've been hired for a project and it's actually really intimidating. It feels like my first "serious" project. There's no reason for me to feel this way — it's in my field of expertise, I know this stuff inside and out, but I can't help feeling like I'm not qualified to play with the big boys. I was so relieved when I had my first status report yesterday and had no criticism whatsoever. Maybe I don't suck after all 😉
Usually when someone is that hyper-critical it means they're insecure. When overly zealous editors or clients to it, they're usually trying to validate themselves by tearing you down.
It's like the editor who wants every sentence in the magazine to reflect his or her voice. They'll rip perfectly good work to shreds and simple because it's in the writer's voice.
Like Cathy, I can be very sensitive to criticism, but it's amazing how little sting it has when it comes from someone you don't respect. Someone like Lori's all-but-four-sentences client doesn't deserve much respect, and therefore isn't important enough for his opinion to cause her one iota of self doubt.
Um….some how my previous comment was attributed to my dog, Lily. Apparently she left her Google Account open. (I always wondered what she does when she takes over my office in the evening!)
I like that approach too, Damaria. You can talk yourself back to feeling better about your skills when a friend is helping.
Cathy, you're so right. One stumble is NOT the end of the world. It's just a stumble, and a lot of times it's just miscommunication or someone else's control issues.
Wade, it wasn't your insecurities – it was your absolute knack for uncovering those things we need to deal with. 🙂 I think you're on to something with the personal nature of writing. Teaching is just as creative, in my opinion, but for some reason creative writing and artistry in general is often attached to emotions and maybe even ego.
Amelia, you DON'T suck! You said it yourself – you know that stuff inside out. Why shouldn't you do it and get paid for it? You're offering some valuable skills and knowledge. That in itself should give you confidence!
Hi "LilyLu" – Paula, you never cease to surprise me. 🙂 I think you're correct about insecurities being the root of this stuff. The controlling client is no less insecure and is sporting an unhealthy trust issue on top of it.
I like the idea of having a "Kudos" folder. Last year in November I had a client I decided to write for that stated I wrote fluff. When I started out four years ago, yeah I did write fluff, but I learned from quality feedback and a sweet editor, how not to write fluff. Turns out, the client just didn't want to pay the amount I had quoted him. Great post!
Calling a supportive friend works… so does looking at my credit list…
Wade – write "I am a good writer" 100 times on the white board! Didn't know you're also a teacher!
Anne- too funny 🙂 Ya, I'm a reading specialist at the high school level. Writing is my side job, for now.
Nita, fill that folder with all the good things. 🙂 And I hear you on the client who fussed to avoid payment – oldest trick in the book, isn't it?
Anne, LOL! Love it. Wade, you should definitely follow her advice!
Oh, we all get that sometimes, don't we? The combination of overwork, stress and a critical client can bring those doubts rushing to the surface. Sometimes you just have to step away from the computer and find a change of scene, then come back, look at your testimonials and recommendations and remind yourself that you're good at what you do. (Of course, we all make mistakes, so sometimes it's about accepting an error and moving on.
It is that combination, isn't it, Sharon? It's okay as long as we're cruising along at light speed without a speed bump, but oh, those bumps hurt at that velocity!
I call them the Doubt Demons. They often attack when you're overextended and overtired, and then someone makes their disorganization your emergency.
Just remember you don't have to take the cow pattie someone's flinging at your face. You can step back and let it land on the ground.
Remember what a small percentage can survive and thrive doing what we do, and that you're one of them.
Devon, there's imagery! LOL I shall forever remember to, er, step back. 🙂